When Sheila wrote her letter, I’m not sure what she thought might happen next. But I’m guessing that she didn’t anticipate that it would hit the national press and set the internet on fire; or that she would be derided across the land.
If you’ve yet to come across Sheila, the story goes like this. Last week, a couple received a letter from Sheila - someone they have never met, but who apparently takes the same route to and from work as they do. At the same time.
In her infinite wisdom, Sheila decided it was OK to tell these parents quite how bad they are (mainly by explaining her own exemplar life choices). In doing so she made it clear that it was the mother’s responsibility to do the childcare; and signed off with the caring, sharing line “There is no point in having kids for someone else to bring him or her up”. (sic)
Now clearly, Sheila is somewhat lacking in social skills and 21st century values. And she’s not quite quoted her research correctly; nor understood that a baby doesn’t have the cognitive skills to cry in anticipation of a future event. (Anyone who has had a cheery pre-schooler right up to the moment of drop-off can recognise this.)
But still, Sheila has raised a really important issue.
There is a solid base of research that children under two in nursery settings have really high levels of cortisol - the stress hormone that, in adults, is linked to heart disease, weight gain, anxiety and depression.
Quite simply, very young children in nurseries are stressed - and it’s something that we need to acknowledge, talk about and respond to.
Now, acknowledging the evidence does not mean jumping to Sheila’s conclusion that childcare is bad and mothers are good. If only life were that simple.
Talking about the role of childcare in our children’s well-being is emotive - but we owe it to our children to have an evidence-based, non-judgmental debate about whether our current model is doing more harm than good.
We need to know more. What exactly is causing the higher levels of stress? Is it the group dynamics - asking children to do things like share when they are simply too young to understand? Is it the physical environments - too noisy, too bright, too over-stimulating? Is it the lack of attachment to a special someone?
As parents we need to be aware of this research to help us make an informed choice about what is right for our child and our family. Policy makers need to recognise it in order to develop a childcare model that meets the needs of children as well as employers. Virtually all childcare providers do everything in their power to make their setting as good as it possibly can be - these providers need to know what they can do to reduce the stress these babies experience.
The debate about childcare often centres on economics - that families have to work; or on resilience - children need to just get on with it. But both these arguments are flawed. Mental health problems cost the economy an estimated £105 billion a year. Secure children grow into resilient adults; negative childhood events are strongly linked to adult mental health issues.
Sheila is a muppet. Let’s treat Sheila’s jaw-droppingly inept curtain-twitching with the disdain it deserves. And childcare is here to stay, whether or not the Sheilas of this world like it.
But let’s talk about that childcare, let’s have the debate. Let’s not say “well, we’ve got to work, so we’ll settle for the status quo”. Because it’s only when we accept the evidence that we will create environments in which we can be sure that our children really are getting the best possible start.
